Hole to Whole

6a00d83451df4569e201b8d0ce078b970cToday is one of my favorite days because it is September 14. It is my yearly day of personal reflection and thanksgiving to my “Big G God” for a new life. It ranks up there with the day I was born, got married, son was born and the day that I found a personal relationship with Jesus. So on this day, I can see that I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams.  Eleven years ago this date, I was on an airplane to the unknown, as I flew to Tucson, Arizona  to begin  rehab in the Trauma and Abuse Program at Sierra Tucson (http://www.sierratucson.com). I was an emotional basket case. I re-felt the same fear that a terrified fourteen-year boy had felt when he was afraid people were going to “find out”. Yet, I knew the awful secret, that I had kept tucked away in the darkest recesses of my being, was the reason that I was on that flight.

Undoubtedly, things were going to be different from now on; but I was horrified of what was ahead and what was going to happen to me in the process.  But most of all, I feared what people would think about me. I was terrified that people would stop loving me; very few did. That was the exact fear I had experienced 45 years earlier. Now, suddenly the secret was out; everything had changed, while nothing had changed. In a real sense, the fear, pain, and remorse of the next several weeks that would stretch into the spring of the new year, would be nearly more than I would be able to bear.

Yet, all along the way God, in his mercy and love, strategically placed people who loved me, people who took my hand and walked with me, when I could not walk on my own. I have quite a list; they know who they are.  During my rehab and the months that followed, I cried several lifetimes of tears. It was not easy; I thought I would never smile again, but I have. Today, I smile quite a bit in fact.  The truth is, since the day Cathy put me on that Southwest plane, I have been, more and more, seeing life and myself with a brand new set of eyes. For most of my life, I had a “hole” in me; today I am able to see that I am “whole”. That is why September 14, is such a notable day in my life.  On this day I will pray for folks who are still carrying emotionally crippling secrets.  God wants you to be blessed too. Remember, doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results is the very definition of insanity. The greatest regret I have is that it took me so long to choose sanity.

More about my journey to wholeness in my free book for free @ Part 1 UNSCREWED – Becoming Whole Again

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