Don’t Believe Daddy

1a4323c1b6a947678f523e714ab78885She was blond, blue eyed, and running full tilt chasing big brother across the lawn.  Suddenly she was on her knees sporting a brand new boo boo with tears streaming down her cheeks. In an instant dad was there to pick her up. As he hugged and kissed his little girl, he said, “It’s OK. It doesn’t hurt….Don’t cry honey. It’s alright”.  Once again without warning a little girl’s fun had morphed into pain; such is life — probably happens a million times a day.

The scene playing out across my street reminded me of the Brooks and Dunn’s song Cowgirls Don’t Cry. The message of the song is that life is full of pain, but even so cowgirls don’t cry.  The song starts with the cowgirl’s  dad  instructing her not to cry over little girl boo boos, then as an adult, not surprisingly,  she chooses not to cry or show her hurt  when she was repeatedly emotionally abused by her husband. At the conclusion of the song, with dad on his death bed, daddy again with his last words tells her that “Cowgirls don’t cry”.

Like all Brooks and Dunn’s work I like the song at lot, but think the “Don’t Cry” mantra is very bad advice.  I’ve know too many boys and girls who grew to men and women who, for one reason or the other, faithfully never cried.  For years I was one of them. For me and countless others our tears were the first steps along the long road to emotional healing and recovery from our hidden hurts.  The ability to cry is God’s gift to you.  Don’t be too proud to use it regardless of what daddy may have said.

Something to think about

The online version of my book for free Unscrewed: Becoming Whole Again. My personal story of abuse, shame, guilt, addiction, failure,rehab and victory. http://johngouldener.com/?page_id=3877

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