I never cease to be amazed in the power of the internet. I am a regular guy, not well known or high profile by any stretch of the imagination — pretty much an average fellow who has screwed up so many times in life that I lost count long ago.  I pastor Crossroad Community Church which meets in a school (http://www.nashvillecrossroad.com/). I drive a Nissan Rogue; I cut my own grass and eat breakfast at McDonalds five days a week.

A year and a half ago, I started this blog with the hope that it would attract some local folks to our church through sharing bits of my personal life struggle, along with slices of everyday observations that I make about people, places and things. Fortunately, the blog has attracted some people to our church. I expected that to happen; but what I did not expect was that the blog would become a world wide ministry to thousands of people that I will never lay eyes on. Years ago when I was lead to a personal relationship to Jesus Christ through the example of a friend, I was in the building supply business and had not been going to church for nearly twenty years. Because of him I changed my life direction. The take away is to never underestimate the power of God in your life. Any of us can influence people’s lives for the good — even on the other side of the world. My life was changed by a guy who did not even realize I was watching him.

Today was a record setting day for hits on our site. We had visits from 18 states and the following countries: Russian Federation, India, Indonesia, Netherlands, Finland, Lithuania, Turkey, Poland, Sweden, United Kingdom, Canada and New Zealand. How that happened I do not fully understand.

 I am amazed.

Check my memoir at http://johngouldener.com/?page_id=95

This morning at the gym I may have figured out what is wrong with the world. It is George and the others like him! A neighborhood gym is a microcosm of the larger community; just like the community a gym has rules and regulations for the protection and benefit of the members. A couple of universal rules are to rack your weights (put them back where you got them) and use disinfectant to wipe down the equipment when you are finished. So, I was doing my crunches and I noticed George. At first I just heard him grunting. I wish gyms had a no grunting rule too. There he was in his tank top muscle shirt which didn’t have nearly enough material to cover his rather large semi exposed midriff. He was oozing perspiration as he strained and thunderously grunted to complete his bench presses.

Without racking his weights or wiping down the bench which was now covered with his fresh sweat, George moved to the fly machine. He left a repugnant sight on the bench. Obviously, it wasn’t a puddle that the next guy wanted any part of. I’m not for sure, but I think I overheard the guy who followed George either talking about his mom or calling George a bad name as he cleaned up the mess.

For the twenty minutes I watched, he didn’t rack a single weight or wipe down any of the equipment. In other words George selfishly chose not to follow the rules. For him, it was all about George. I believe that is the same reason the world is so screwed up. I also recall that St. Paul said something about the rest of us being in the same boat with George. Oh, dear me!

Check my memoir at http://johngouldener.com/?page_id=95

Almost every morning at the “Y”, I pretty much see the same people in the same spots at the same times. In the locker room guys tend to stake out the same lockers day after day. Perhaps that is some kind of male territorial thing. We also are apt to migrate back to the same showers after our workouts. At my “Y” there are nine shower stalls in the men’s area – three on one side and six on the other. For reasons that I do not understand, often there is a shortage of hot water on the “three stall” side. However, I have never showered there. The other morning, I heard a guy from that side shout out that there was no hot water in his shower. A guy on my side replied that there was, “plenty over here”. The reason this exchange is noteworthy to me, is because I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard the guy with no hot water say the same thing from the same shower stall and get the same response. Instead of standing there shivering day after day, why not just move over to the “hot” side?  Yet, as I thought about it, I have been guilty of more or less the same thing in certain areas of my life. I also know from a twenty-two year ministry career that I am not alone.

Someone once said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. For a large part of my life I was an “insane” people pleaser. I thought if I can just please this person or that one, then I would feel OK about me. I tried to be the perfect kid, husband, dad, employee, boss, pastor and friend. I had to have the answer or solution to every problem or situation. At the very pinnacle of my people pleasing craziness, when a friend and colleague mentioned that he was going to have to drop out of graduate school for financial reasons, I paid for his final year.  At the time it seemed like a totally logical thing for me to do. That was my most extreme attempt to please. The only problem was, I never felt OK, no matter what pleasing behavior I employed.

Not long after that, I heard a wise man say that, “when we do something for someone else expecting to get something in return, that is not love, but bartering”.  That was one of many “Ah-Ha” moments for me.  I was able to understand that my people pleasing was not philanthropic as I had imagined, but actually was my somewhat primitive attempt at buying love. Until that instant I had not put two and two together. After a lifetime of standing in the cold water, in that moment of enlightenment, I realized what was going on. Once I understood what was driving my dependency on other people, I began moving toward the “hot water side” of life. It took a great deal of time, and effort, but I really like it better over here. Regardless of your area of “insanity”, don’t stand in the cold water another second; do something different and do it now!                 

© 2012 John Gouldener All Rights Reserved

 Check out excerpts from my memoir “Unscrewed: Becoming Whole Again”

  http://johngouldener.com/?page_id=95

I’m at Starbucks drinking a tall decaf with nutmeg. I can get it cheaper and better at McDonalds, but I find the people-watching is still better here, regardless of the price. Here are my observations about some of the folks I’m watching:

There is a woman standing outside in a light midst smoking a really long cigarette. It is cold out there and she is coatless.  I think she might be shivering. She looks really anxious; every time she takes a drag, as she exhales, she looks down at the cigarette in her hand.  I think she is checking to see how much longer she will have to stand out in the cold rain enjoying her smoke. It will be a while. She doesn’t look like she is having fun. Once, as she blew smoke out her nose, for just a split second, smoking appealed to me again; I better stop watching her. I don’t get it. Why do people stand shivering in the rain to do something that isn’t good for them? Maybe it is the same reason that I sometimes eat a pound of M&Ms.

Across from me there is a guy reading a newspaper. Actually, he is reading two —- The New York Times and The Tennessean. They aren’t his papers. I see him here often; he just borrows them from the rack. When he is finished he will reassemble and put them back. Is that stealing? I think it is. I wish people didn’t do that. When I buy a paper I want it to be crisp, unwrinkled and flat without that fellow’s crumbs or grease spots. Why do folks do things like that?  I’m sure he doesn’t consider it wrong any more than I do when I speed or gossip a bit.

There are a couple of teens on an I Pad; I’ve heard the “F Bomb” twice already. I think that is really tacky. I am tempted to go over and say something. For some reason, I just recalled a day, many years ago, when in anger I used the Lord’s name in a combative conversation in a Mexican restaurant. OUCH!

You know there is a lot to be learned about ourselves just watching other folks drink coffee.

Something to think about.

John                                

For more of my flaws check out excerpts from my memoir “Unscrewed: Becoming Whole Again”

at http://johngouldener.com/?page_id=95

I read a story this morning saying that U.S. authorities are investigating allegations that an Indian government spy unit hacked into emails of an official U.S. commission that monitors economic and security relations between the United States and China, including cyber-security issues. I recalled a time a few years ago  when I received over 16,000 fraudulent harassing emails in a series of cyber attacks that shut down our church website and locked up our computers. Frustrated and without any other choice, I reluctantly involved law enforcement. Because a crime had been committed a subpoena was issued and we learned that the originating IP address was registered to Greg, an estranged friend.  When questioned by police he confessed to his criminal activity and asked for mercy.Folks I was like a kid at Christmas! I had been involved in this chase for over a month; my adrenalin was surging!    Now, it was my turn!  Sweet revenge! But my excitement soon waned as I realized that I was caught in the horns of a dilemma. See, quite regularly I teach forgiveness at our church. Ouch!

Should I have this guy hauled off to jail, embarrassed, terrified and humiliated?  Should I cost him thousands of dollars in legal fees?  Should I cause him to lose his job? Should I devastate his innocent wife and children?   I’m far from perfect and some of that stuff was very appealing to me. Should I have my fun and get even or do what God clearly tells me?  The answer was crystal clear.

Romans 12:19- 20 CEV Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”  Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness.  Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

Recently, I saw Greg and his beautiful family at a local restaurant. Although he wouldn’t speak, it brought it all back to me. But instead of feeling a surge of anger, I felt a flood of peace  knowing that we made the right choice  not to press charges even when, at the time, a wrong choice had a great deal of appeal. Doing the right thing always short circuits regret. Good is always better than bad.  Our constant challenge is to realize it in the moment.

Check out excerpts from my memoir “Unscrewed: Becoming Whole Again”

at http://johngouldener.com/?page_id=95

With the regularity of the Swallows annual return to Mission San Juan Capistrano, come loads of new folks for the annual New Year’s pilgrimage to the gym. Unfortunately, few will still be working out by spring. This morning at the “Y”, in addition to several new people, I also noticed a new Stairmaster type machine. They are thinking about replacing the older machines with the new type and asked folks to try it out and write their comments down. The first comment card that I read said, “Wow, I like it. It is much easier than the old ones!”   From my experience, as a rule, “easy” and “success” are mutually exclusive concepts. Yet “easy” seems to be our chosen default setting.

It is much easier to stay in bed and skip the gym. It is easier to hate than love. It is easier to believe everything you see on the Internet than to seek truth for yourself. It is easier to stay in an addiction than to commit to the program. It is easier to sell drugs than work at McDonalds. It is easier to steal what belongs to someone else. Often, it is easier to lie than to tell the truth. It is easier to make believe that you are prefect than to face your glaring flaws. It is easier to blindside someone than to face them head on. It is easier to play with your cell phone than with your kids. It is easier to pig out than to say “no”.  It is easier to believe what someone tells you about others than to check for yourself. It is easier to continue to smoke than to quit. It is easier to leave God out of the equation of life than to deal with the consequences of including Him. It is easier to give up than continue. It is easier to blame someone else. It is easier to be more talk than action. It is easier to hold grudges than to forgive. It is easier to badmouth than to praise. It is easier to keep it all than to give some away. It is easier to continue on the flawed path you have chosen than to turn around and do the right thing. It is easier to wallow in pride than to seek forgiveness. It is easier to drive drunk than to call a cab. It is easier to tear down than to build up. It is easier to say the right words than do the right thing. It is easier to procrastinate than commit. It is easier to dream than to do. It is easier to text than to call. It is easier to be stingy than to be generous. It is easier to keep a few man-made rules than really follow Jesus.

 Something to think about.

John

© 2012 John Gouldener All Rights Reserved 

Check out excerpts from my memoir “Unscrewed: Becoming Whole Again”

at http://johngouldener.com/?page_id=95

I took this picture Christmas Day near Nashville, Tennessee, as I lay on a creek bank, with a full stomach, looking up into a cloudless blue sky, thinking about Christmases past.  In my prone position, staring up at the huge oaks and poplars lining the bank, I was taken by the stark beauty of the bare limbs as they reached up to their source of life. Those branches could be a metaphor of my life and the countless times I reached up to God petitioning Him to intervene on my behalf or for loved ones in times of urgent need. It has been my experience that it is only when we strip ourselves naked of pride and self sufficiency that we truly surrender ourselves to our Creator.  It is only then that we wholly depend on our Source of life and His unfailing provision for us.  Looking at those limbs, I realized that while they were all similar, none were just alike.  For the hour so that I spent there listening to the babbling waters, I imagined those limbs as reflections  of  particular times in my life when I did not just pray, but times I begged God to help in periods of utter powerlessness. Here is a sampling of some limbs that I identified — my dad’s fight with lung cancer, the night my brother was shot and critically wounded, the time in my early business career when I made a really big mistake, the day my nephew drowned, the days in Cathy’s pregnancy with Michael when we feared that there were problems, the false scare that a close friend had MS, three newborn baby boys of dear friends born with heart problems, my 45 year struggle with my past, the loss of a church I helped to build and the part I played in that sad story, the time I took Michael to the emergency room with a kidney stone, manifold times I prayed for the sick and hurting in our churches.

The powerful truth of the naked tree is that the source of the tree’s life will surely cloth those branches with a new blanket of leaves in the spring. The nakedness will last only for a short season.  Likewise, our times of utter powerlessness over life’s events are never permanent, but for a season only. In time God always clothes us in a coat of new hope.  The sun always rises and God always loves without fail.

My memoir http://johngouldener.com/?page_id=95

A while back the mother of all toothaches paid an unwelcome visit to one of my molars. For reasons unknown I waited nearly a day before calling my dentist. Doc immediately phoned in a prescription for an antibiotic, but since I was at work I wait several more hours before picking up the meds. By that time the infection was on its way to becoming a big deal.

The next morning when I looked in the mirror it was pretty scary. The left side of my face was swollen and it looked like a golf ball was wedged between my cheek and gum. I stayed home moaning and groaning for a couple of days, but in time the swelling and pain abated and I went on with my normal routine which includes speaking at our Sunday church service.

On the way home from church Cathy, my wife, and the brains of the family commented that she had been really worried that I might not have been able to do the message because of the toothache.  I immediately responded, “Oh, I never doubted that I could speak. I knew I could do that; what worried me was all that swelling. I was afraid of how I looked”.  No sooner had those words left my lips that my pride alarm started dinging.

I don’t know about you, but my pride has a way of sneaking up on me.

More of my sins are detailed in my memoir “Unscrewed: Becoming Whole Again” – http://johngouldener.com/?page_id=95

This is my understanding of what happened this past Monday morning at the Bellevue Y.  A man was discovered in the bathroom on the floor  unconscious and in cardiac arrest bleeding profusely from the fall. Two young lifeguards rushed to his side and immediately started trying to save his life.  Since his heart was not beating, they used a defibrillator attempting to shock it back into a beat.  After what seemed like an eternity, the paramedics arrived and took over.  When it was all over the lifeguards, Lauren and Will were very emotional thinking  that they had failed the man. The first report was that he was dead. Then he was very critical. Today, I heard that he is talking and moving about his room and that the two heroes are going visit him today.  All I can say is, “Wow —job well done!”

A couple of thoughts:  Even though you may be healthy enough to work out every day, this could well be your last minute on earth.  Any loose ends that you need to tie up?  Secondly, if you were ever called on to save someone’s life, would you have a clue what to do first?  Because Lauren and Will knew, this will  be a very Merry Christmas for a family they did not know until Monday. Praise God for Lauren and Will!

My memoir http://johngouldener.com/?page_id=95

I remember our cedar Christmas trees with “bubble lights”. I remember just watching our tree for hours. I also remember my dad constantly worrying about the tree catching fire and burning the house down. He worried way too much about stuff like that.

My mom used to make the best fruit cake I have ever eaten and I’ve eaten a lot. I’m not sure why they were so good. I know she always put bourbon in them and then wrapped them in bourbon soaked cheesecloth for weeks until Christmas Eve. Each day until Christmas she would put another shot of Jim Beam on the soaking cloths. I don’t like bourbon unless it is in a fruitcake. They were pampered cakes. I think I love fruit cake from seeing my mom’s love and hard work as the main ingredients.

I remember going to midnight mass at the Catholic Cathedral on West End each year as a child. Three particular Christmas Eve services stand out. First, is the one when I must have been in about the fourth grade when Mr. Hoffman, the choirmaster, gave me a silver dollar not to sing. I’m serious. Now you know why I am so screwed up! Then there was the time a drunk came staggering down the main aisle singing “Silent Night” at the top of his lungs. I also remember the one where our entire family, including my Aunt Ruby and Uncle Bill, all went to midnight mass together. Everybody in our family took communion except me. I didn’t because I had committed a sin earlier in the day. I was worried that everybody must have thought I was bad.

The truth is up until Christmas 2005 that was the only “bad” Christmas memory that I had. However, 2005 was the worst Christmas of my life. I was consumed with feeling sorry for myself and holding grudges. It was a horrible time in my life. I was so sad. It was just as bad for Cathy, maybe more so. I remember Christmas Eve, we both cried our eyes out. We just held each other and cried. I’d never heard of people crying on Christmas Eve. It wasn’t like any other Christmas I’ve ever had. I didn’t think I would ever smile again. Our hearts were broken. But today they are mended and we are whole again because of God’s Super Glue. Remember, that you are not beyond God’s love, mercy and grace. Especially remember that nothing is impossible with God. Make this a special Christmas. If you have a relationship that is on the blink, then as far as it is up to you, do something about it today. Christmas is anchored in forgiveness, mercy and grace. That is the very reason Jesus came. So who are we to trudge through life holding grudges? Forgive somebody and find somebody to love even, if it is Cousin Eddie. There are lots of folks who need both. Merry Christmas!

More of my blogs at http://johngouldener.com